I have a bit of a strange relationship with blogging, reading and generally keeping up with the book blogging community lately. I know I’ve never been the most present on our Twitter and Sarah writes most of the posts for the blog but I’ve felt quite isolated in the online community recently. The reasons are nothing to do with anyone in it but my state of mind right now. This post is mainly just me wanting to vent a little about my conflicting thoughts and also to ask if anyone else has felt similar or has any tips!
First off, I’ll talk a little about my reading recently. To be honest, I’ve been reading quite a lot and I’m happy with what I have read/am currently reading. For the last couple of weeks, my mood has been low, I’ve been having some trouble with anxiety and doing too much and this has impacted how I am around others. Being on my own and doing solitary activities like reading really helps me to calm down and feel like me again. I’ve definitely been doing way too much and have had barely any time to myself the past couple of months so I’ve been using reading, watching films, writing and other solitary things I enjoy to boost my energy and social levels back up again. Of course, these don’t always work but they can help.
Writing for the blog however, is a very mixed bag. I’ve written notes for about 6 posts in the past 2/3 weeks but I have barely written any full ones. Every time I go to write full sentences and paragraphs of a book review or whatever the topic is, I just feel detached and can’t bring myself to do it at all. This is a struggle because there are some posts that I really want to post and I’m excited to write and share but I just don’t feel connected and worry (classic me!) about hating what I write. This post I am finding a little easier to write; it may be because I’ve been trying to help myself and figure out what are the best things for me to do right now so my head feels a little clearer today.
Now, the blogging community is something I’ve wanted to get more involved in for months. I’ve felt more involved recently and made some efforts to use the Twitter more and interact with others. YALC definitely helped with this as I was excited to feel connected to everyone. I’ve also attended more of the Manchester bloggers events at Waterstones and made brilliant friends through this – I now speak to them all more both in person and in group chats. The friends I’ve made through these events as well as our LGBTQ+ Book Club are so wonderful and this is a major positive for me. However, because I also feel very anxious lately, this is affecting my communication with others.
When I’m anxious/depressed, social media really doesn’t help me – specifically, Twitter and Facebook. Something about seeing new updates constantly refreshing just makes me ridiculously stressed out. Plus, the pressure to keep up with everything really worms it’s way into my brain. I barely use my personal Twitter now because of this but sadly, I feel similarly about our blog account recently. I still use it and want to use it more, however, notifications popping up on my phone and the feeling that I should be tweeting whilst I’m out is badly affecting my mental health. So, I’ve decided to delete the Twitter app from my phone and only go on it when I’m on my laptop.
This takes the pressure (which is mainly something I put on myself) away and means I can breathe easier and not feel like I have to keep up with everything going on in the world; be that the whole world, or just the bookish bits! I’m going to mute pretty much all of my social medias so I don’t receive notifications and only check them when I feel like I want to, not because I feel like people will think I’m ignoring them, or I’m missing out.
This post ended up longer than I intended – clearly I had a lot to get out! I think it is important to share how we feel though (if we feel comfortable doing so) and I also have a fear people think I’m being rude when I don’t reply or that I don’t care about our blog when I’m not tweeting. But I honestly do. I love this blog and I love our book blogger community – I just get overwhelmed much too easily!
Do you ever feel this way or similar? Does anyone have any tips for keeping up communication with people?
The Little Contemporary Corner 
Maybe try a bullet point type review! Some way for you not to have to force yourself so much.
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This sounds familiar in a way because I often have periods where I want to be social, but I simply can’t find the energy to be. Living together with my boyfriend isn’t always easy on that front either because I’m seriously missing me-time lately and he’s home every time I am. I’ve even went as far as kicking him out for a day last week, so I could do “me” and be on my own for a while.
When it comes to others (and social media), I’ve gotten in the habit of pretty much disappearing off social media during weekends. I don’t mind being on Twitter / my blog during the week, at all. Weekends though? Those are off limits. It’s when I focus on my household, myself, my boyfriend and everything else that needs attention. It’s been like this for a couple of months now and I’m okay with it.
I do notice I’m having less contact with real life friends, but that’s mainly because all our lives are changing. Me being pregnant and in the middle of buying a house with my boyfriend, they with a newborn baby / new jobs / moving away from their parents. Life simply gets in the way sometimes and it’s hard finding an evening that fits all of us so we can meet up. We try not to feel bad about it, but sometimes I do miss having them around me.
All in all, I guess I’m just saying you should try not feeling guilty about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. It’s normal to have periods of time where you want to focus on yourself and have less energy to deal with others – even if you want it to be different at that moment. The fact that your brain isn’t cooperating is saying plenty. Relax, do what you want to do / love doing and focus on that. All the rest will come automatically after a while. Don’t let it pressure you. 🙂
[I hope this somewhat helped a bit. :)]
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I feel like what you describe very often. I tend to be too judgemental with my own self which brings my self esteem low I find. I too find myself thinking that the things that I do are not so good so why continue. I actually closed one blog that was doing pretty well because of it. I just started this one and I’m hoping to bring it to the level of the one that I closed but also I feel like what I have to write is not as good as what other write so I keep myself from doing it. So my advise is: dont judge yourself anymore, put your writing out there and let others enjoy it. If you feel tired and you want to rest from interacting that is fine too. Take a step back and take your time. People that care for you will understand.
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at the end of the day your health is the most important and finding ways to make this work for u is handy.i hope removing twitter from ur phone has been a good improvement for you1 ❤
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I think if you’re having trouble getting a whole post together, try something a wee bit different? I did a fictional Primark haul for a book character and it was fun, as well as something out of my comfort zone.
But if it’s not coming then definitely take a break – you come first!
Cora | http://www.teapartyprincess.co.uk
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