I have a bit of a strange relationship with blogging, reading and generally keeping up with the book blogging community lately. I know I’ve never been the most present on our Twitter and Sarah writes most of the posts for the blog but I’ve felt quite isolated in the online community recently. The reasons are nothing to do with anyone in it but my state of mind right now. This post is mainly just me wanting to vent a little about my conflicting thoughts and also to ask if anyone else has felt similar or has any tips!
First off, I’ll talk a little about my reading recently. To be honest, I’ve been reading quite a lot and I’m happy with what I have read/am currently reading. For the last couple of weeks, my mood has been low, I’ve been having some trouble with anxiety and doing too much and this has impacted how I am around others. Being on my own and doing solitary activities like reading really helps me to calm down and feel like me again. I’ve definitely been doing way too much and have had barely any time to myself the past couple of months so I’ve been using reading, watching films, writing and other solitary things I enjoy to boost my energy and social levels back up again. Of course, these don’t always work but they can help.
Writing for the blog however, is a very mixed bag. I’ve written notes for about 6 posts in the past 2/3 weeks but I have barely written any full ones. Every time I go to write full sentences and paragraphs of a book review or whatever the topic is, I just feel detached and can’t bring myself to do it at all. This is a struggle because there are some posts that I really want to post and I’m excited to write and share but I just don’t feel connected and worry (classic me!) about hating what I write. This post I am finding a little easier to write; it may be because I’ve been trying to help myself and figure out what are the best things for me to do right now so my head feels a little clearer today.
Now, the blogging community is something I’ve wanted to get more involved in for months. I’ve felt more involved recently and made some efforts to use the Twitter more and interact with others. YALC definitely helped with this as I was excited to feel connected to everyone. I’ve also attended more of the Manchester bloggers events at Waterstones and made brilliant friends through this – I now speak to them all more both in person and in group chats. The friends I’ve made through these events as well as our LGBTQ+ Book Club are so wonderful and this is a major positive for me. However, because I also feel very anxious lately, this is affecting my communication with others.
When I’m anxious/depressed, social media really doesn’t help me – specifically, Twitter and Facebook. Something about seeing new updates constantly refreshing just makes me ridiculously stressed out. Plus, the pressure to keep up with everything really worms it’s way into my brain. I barely use my personal Twitter now because of this but sadly, I feel similarly about our blog account recently. I still use it and want to use it more, however, notifications popping up on my phone and the feeling that I should be tweeting whilst I’m out is badly affecting my mental health. So, I’ve decided to delete the Twitter app from my phone and only go on it when I’m on my laptop.
This takes the pressure (which is mainly something I put on myself) away and means I can breathe easier and not feel like I have to keep up with everything going on in the world; be that the whole world, or just the bookish bits! I’m going to mute pretty much all of my social medias so I don’t receive notifications and only check them when I feel like I want to, not because I feel like people will think I’m ignoring them, or I’m missing out.
This post ended up longer than I intended – clearly I had a lot to get out! I think it is important to share how we feel though (if we feel comfortable doing so) and I also have a fear people think I’m being rude when I don’t reply or that I don’t care about our blog when I’m not tweeting. But I honestly do. I love this blog and I love our book blogger community – I just get overwhelmed much too easily!
Do you ever feel this way or similar? Does anyone have any tips for keeping up communication with people?